In Search of a Balance

Alright ! Enough of this internal journey and exploration thing. Guess i have given more than required time for 'knowing myself' and 'enlightenment' and stuff :D. I am getting a feeling that my upper chakras have grown so enormously big that they are now shadowing and scaring the under developed lower ones. (I don't believe in the theories of chakras. It's just to let you know what i mean in a concise way). It was a nice experience though. I have traveled greatly inside my mind and spent tonnes of ATP's over this expedition. All in an attempt to get to know things better, dissecting human emotions, philosophical reading and so on. (oh i am no scholar in these subjects. not even close. If you ask me theories of it, i won't be able to answer you. I only got a better grasp over things that i felt but didn't understand at that time). It was all immensely helpful. Some questions and some of my own deductions were boiling up inside me and i needed somebody to share them with. So books became my friends and my mind-- my experimental lab. and my dear readers too happily participated and helped me further with their views on things. Thank you all. It definitely added an extra dimension to my personality. Now i've a reason to believe that i am not that naive anymore :).

But lately, i have had this irksome feeling that i am concentrating too much upon my internal world and completely neglecting the outer one. Both things need to be balanced out properly for our optimum growth as a person. I had even begun to feel a bit  'trapped'  inside my body :P..It was too small a place for a spirit so enormous (Not bragging. but the way our spirit takes flight and roams freely in the world of imagination, it can never be matched by our bodies ). Sometimes i wished i could disappear and look at the world more closely without humanly limitations (it happens, seriously. not kidding). But now, i am coming out. But still, i have one reason to worry -- my habit of going at an extreme of anything i undertake should not make me so outwardly oriented this time that i begin to neglect the inner growth completely :D..Strike out a balance Namrata. Stop being a pendulum that always goes on either ends. Gotta take out that hyper active battery from inside me.Anyways, it's always good to lead an 'examined' life and look at your actions from a third person's view and correct whenever you see yourself going off the path. Born as a human, gotta do what it takes to survive out here. Guess that one year of hectic internship, which was a huge worldly experience in itself, had pushed me to this extreme as a knee jerk reaction.

And one more thing that makes me happy is that i didn't outsource my job of seeking inner peace into the hands of any guru/baba or amma/mata (latest hottest industry). Your brain is not a software that someone else can write codes for it. You gotta tend the soil yourself if you want a rose.

p.s. I won't stop posting things related to philosophy or introspection here. As i said, it won't be a total cut-off. My blog is only a tiny part of my mind. And i will feed it with interesting things whenever i come up with one. And the purpose of writing my new resolution here on a blog was just to reinforce the thought on my mind. I hate to write on a paper so i write here.

Moo...

I have suddenly started to like milk all over again...after a gap of 10 years :D ....Thank you cow! :)

The Rubaiyat

Selected verses from  'The Rubaiyat'  of  Omar Khayyam. ( a Persian polymath of the 11th century )
Originally written in Persian language. Below is its literal English translation which i luckily found during one of my random surfing escapades. Read on and plunge yourself into the beauty of his writing.

"The secrets eternal, neither you know nor i

and answers to the riddle, neither you know nor i

Behind the veil there is much talk about us, why

when the veil falls, neither you remain nor i"

Don't permit sorrow to be your friend

sadness and pain will become your trend

Don't let the book or the farm you tend

rule your life before to earth you descend

Once transpired can not be changed

only pain will come if remorse engaged

Though with sorrow you may be aged

Not even a dot will be rearranged

All my companions, one by one they died

with angel of death, they now reside

In the banquet of life, the same wine we tried

a few cups back, they fell to the side

Some always seek the rational mind

some will appeal to faith that's blind

If you turn within, you will surely find

both paths will lead you further behind

I would rather be compassionate

than piously pray and fast

God is loving, god is great

He is my destroyer, He is my mate

The grass that grows by every stream

like angelic smiles faintly gleam

Step gently, cause it not to scream

for it has grown from a lover's dream

When the creator forged the nature

why imperfect was the venture

If it is good, why departure

and if bad, why form the capture

Anxiously i began this course

with life, my awe grew even worse

Unwillingly returned with force

what was the point, i ask my source

Beloved friends let's gather

for each other, together care

With raised cup, salute and share

in memory of he who isn't there

In the wheel of fortune, the unseen vine

drink, be merry, wait your turn in line

When it is your turn, neither cry nor whine

everyone must taste the same deadly wine

Oh friend, lets not think of tomorrow

cherish this moment, far from sorrow

Life is a temporal gift that we borrow

whether dead for ages or leave tomorrow"...

and in homage to his genius, a little nothing from this lesser mortal 

"all the religions and philosophies, your poem transcends
 a tired soul of mine , in your love it comes and rests
 wait a while ,see the beauty it says
 drink in the dawn before dusk pervades"

...

Resolving never to watch/read political news is one of the most sensible decisions I've made in my whole unremarkable life!! I would much rather stay on the unfashionable bylanes than join the respected chaotic mainstream. At least I get to keep my sanity. To hell with all that nonsense.



-my hermitic tendencies



And by the way, calling yourself agnostic is the safest bet when you don't give a dingo's kidney about the whole issue. That way atheists won't ridicule you for being ignorant or believers won't loathe you for being arrogant plus you give out an impression that you 'think'.

-i have no idea why i said that.

To be, or not to be, that is the question.

“There is only one really serious philosophical question, and that is suicide. Deciding whether or not life is worth living is to answer the fundamental question in philosophy. All other questions follow from that.” 

opening line from the book  'The Myth of Sisyphus' by A.Camus

Needless to say, I am coming to you Mr.Camus. I want to see how you dealt wit the question. Finally, met somebody who questioned the same thing and probably came up with an answer too. Big relief. To find somebody who can understand. I don't expect any answers. It's enough just to have someone listen to you and not call you crazy.Can i drink from your well Mr. Camus ? I wanna see how that water tastes.

p.s. To all my dear readers who are also my well wishers - Oshonica has not decided to die :p . She loves mystery and what bigger mystery you have other than life? I am trying to solve it but the best part about the whole exercise is--it's never going to be solved :) . Bamboozled? don't worry.happens.peace.I have taken the 'red pill' already. The choice has been made. I am here to understand why i made it.

Review : The Road

An undefined apocalypse has wiped out life from earth. No plants no animals could escape its fury.Sun hides behind black clouds rendering earth cold and uninhabitable. Leafless trees stand burnt. Ashes of the bygone world have filled the air and even the snow is black. Lands are barren. Houses are silent and forlorn. The last few humans left on earth are either scavenging for food or have turned into lawless savage cannibals. In this desolate land, thrash around as much as you can for that last strand of hope, it won't be given to you as the god himself has turned his back upon the world he had created.

But there is a man and his little boy--each the entire world of the other-- carrying the 'fire' in their heart and walking towards south in a hope to find more food, warmth and 'good' people there. I have not enough words to describe how utterly gloomy and downbeat the whole mood of the film (and also the book) is. Don't expect any mercy. No relief is going to come your way. The irreconcilable misery engulfs you with a  force so strong that your emotions can only lump up inside your throat.You can't even shed a tear to get rid of them. And they say the movie carries only half the impact of the book on which it is based. Cormac McCarthy, a writer for whom i bend on knees in homage, has written this novel with an unforgiving boldness. I am not even halfway through the book but its brilliance is such, it takes no more than a few lines to make you realize what it is all about and what power it carries. People have killed themselves to escape the torture of a slow horrible death due to starvation or at the hands of the cannibals,whichever was to come first. But not everyone has even that luxury. The man only has one bullet left in his revolver. And such is his misery that he has to save it for his son and coax him to pull the trigger on himself if the capture is imminent. Danger lurks at every corner and you have be ready when the time comes. He calls his son his god. His only reason to be alive. and if his boy is not the word of god then god never spoke,he says.

It's an excruciatingly painful experience and go for it (book/movie) only if you have a strong heart. It would shake you back to senses if you have been too vain and ungrateful lately. But if you are already down-- keep away. It can throw you farther into the thick of gloom which will be very hard to overcome.

There is no clear optimism on offer here. just a slight may be.in the end. But that's not even the purpose of the book/movie (i think). It's all about keeping the humanity intact especially in the face of highest odds. Death spares nobody but it's important to live with virtues. And if we are to believe that the boy lives, the goodness of his tribe will perhaps resurrect humanity on a land where currently the most vicious evil prevails.

So what do we have to look out for? -- We have an undying love and concern of a father towards his son. His toils for his child's salvation. His struggle in concealing the wreck of his own emotions and make his child feel safe and protect him from the horrors and hopelessness that pervades this godless land. His endeavor in keeping the 'fire' in his son, alive. Performances are top notch. Cinematography is excellent. The encounters with cannibals and the sights of their dreadful sins will send a shiver down your spine.But the real appeal of the movie lies in its theme. Somewhere in the far corners of our mind we are aware that the possibility of such a cataclysm can't be denied. And if proper measures are not taken in time, this fiction will become our immutable reality.

There will be moments during the movie when you will want to stop watching it because it's too painful. but you will still go on. Isn't it the same with life? Love it or curse it, it goes on.